Conclusion
After what has been a really confusing period of trying to rationalise my own behaviour and attitude, and trying to understand the reason of what seemingly is my phobia of commitment, I’ve finally come to a conclusion today.
I came into today expecting nothing. But seeing you again after so long made me realise, you’re still out of my reach, and still all of the things I want in my life. And I have never really gotten over the fact that you were the one that got away. And I have never been able to commit fully to anyone since.
And so my own stubborn heart has refused anyone and everyone since. And so I have no choice. I’ll have to find someone like you. Or someone better than you. I can’t settle for anything less. Or maybe I just need you.
Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic who is just in love with the notion of love, chasing some thing that is not there any more. Or maybe there was never anything there at all. Maybe, I’ve just been kidding myself.
Delusions of love. Yeah, maybe that’s it.
