Lover, the Lord has left us, if ever the Lord was here. Forever we knelt before a golden calf, its name was Trust. We dealt a blow by a jagged blade, its name was Lust. Now we feign what we feel, we feed what we fear. We feign what we feel, but we do as we must, together. We are not but babes, grand but without grace…

After what has been a really confusing period of trying to rationalise my own behaviour and attitude, and trying to understand the reason of what seemingly is my phobia of commitment, I’ve finally come to a conclusion today.

I came into today expecting nothing. But seeing you again after so long made me realise, you’re still out of my reach, and still all of the things I want in my life. And I have never really gotten over the fact that you were the one that got away. And I have never been able to commit fully to anyone since.

And so my own stubborn heart has refused anyone and everyone since. And so I have no choice. I’ll have to find someone like you. Or someone better than you. I can’t settle for anything less. Or maybe I just need you.

Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic who is just in love with the notion of love, chasing some thing that is not there any more. Or maybe there was never anything there at all. Maybe, I’ve just been kidding myself.

Delusions of love. Yeah, maybe that’s it.

Someday, maybe soon, I will wake up and realize, I made up everything, gave up everything.

So, I made conversation with you today. Yay. Progress. And then I start thinking too much again. And I can’t sleep again.

I quote myself, ”The only way to be happy, is to be content with being friends. Anything else is a bonus.”  Sigh, heed your own advice, Thomson. Don’t put yourself in anymore misery. You do not want to go there again. Be content with how things are, for now.

Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.

Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.

I love you both with all my heart.
Daddy x

Paul Flanagan with his children Thomas and Lucy. He died of cancer at the age of 45 in November 2009

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2017876/A-fathers-message-grave-My-darling-children-heres-live-lives-Daddys-gone.html

I’ve got my own car. I’m popular. My mom says I’m a catch. I’m popular.

Being attractive is the most important thing there is. If you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pond, you have to be as attractive as possible.

I propose we support a one month limit on going steady. I think it will keep people more able to deal with weird situations and get to know more people.

She wont mind, she’ll appreciate your fresh look on dating. And once you’ve dated someone else you can date her again! I’m sure she’ll like it. Everyone will appreciate it. You’re so novel, what a good idea. You can keep your time to yourself. You don’t need date insurance. You can go out with whoever you want to. Every girl, every girl, in the whole world could be yours. If you’ll just listen to my plan: THE TEENAGE GUIDE TO POPULARITY!

Just back from the Silverstein gig. It was beyond awesome, no doubt. But tonight what left a lasting impression on me, was the girl outside selling merchandise. The one with the bangs. You. Almost a carbon copy of the girl at the IT fair back in 2008. You caught my eye, I caught yours. Stolen glances exchanged. We shared a moment, but we walked on by. Just like back in 2008. Deja vu.

Don’t you hate it when that happens? You know you probably could, you don’t know if you should. Only thinking about what if, but not knowing what could have been. Just thoughts, no action. We walk on by. And I don’t think I’ll ever see her again. Glances and wasted chances. So many that I’ve lost count. Story of my life.

What’s wrong babe? Did daddy not give you enough attention?

Take back what’s mine. Just leave me in it, and everything that I believe in. She’s taken. She’s taken. Please act surprised. She’s taken. She’s taken.

How apt that my iPod died on the day that I found out you were finally attached to someone else, and gone with it, my birthday present from you last year, the pictures that you presented to me for my birthday. Pictures of us.

But you know what? I don’t feel anything. No sense of loss. Not a single bit of regret. I’m glad things played out like this. I had dreaded this day. Dreaded it so long. Dreaded it for so much of my life. I thought it would be the worst day of my life. I had envisaged myself falling into the deepest emotional abyss. Far from that. I feel great. I feel awesome. I’ve never felt better in a long time, I’ve never felt better about myself.

But you don’t pull my strings, cause I’m a better man, moving on to better things (:

P.S. I’m still waiting for you, number 5.

This is for number 5 from the previous post. Yes you, number 5 in the previous post. Some things I may have taken for granted again and again. So, I’m gonna take a chance and make it big, because it could be the last I’ll ever get. If we don’t take it, when will we make it? I make plans to break plans, and I’ve been planning something big. Planning.

Tell my voice what it takes to speak up. Speak up, and keep my conscience clean when I wake. But don’t make this easy, I want you to mean it. Say you’ll mean it. I’m calling you out. Not yet, but soon. 5 more months, I’ll wait for the chance. I’ll wait for you.