Dear Rachel,

I am so terribly sorry. I know actions speak louder than words, but by the time you read this, I will be thousands of miles away. So I can only leave you with words.

I feel absolutely fucking horrible. I can’t remember the last time I have felt this bad. I don’t know if I made the right decision this morning in telling you. All that I know is that I had to. I don’t know why, but I had to. Maybe it’s the wine I drank last night. Haha. I think I’ve been thinking too much. My head has been fucking around with me for too long.

If you don’t ever want to be with me again, I understand. I don’t deserve you. I’ve not been the best boyfriend. Far from it. You are right, I have always been too selfish. I guess it’s better that if we were to part, we do it sooner rather than later. Sigh. But I’m so fucking scared. I don’t know what I will do without you. I will miss you terribly. I’m already so fucking empty and hollow inside. I’m scared. I really don’t know what is wrong with me. I need help. I can’t love. I can’t sustain love. I’m bloody scared.

Sigh, I don’t know if you will ever forgive me. I don’t know if we will ever be together again. But I hope you will at least still remain friends with me.

If not, thanks for the memories. You were the best I’ve ever had, and you will always the first girl who I truly loved.

Love,
Thomson

Dearest Rachel,

I hope you’re safe and well in Malaysia. I miss you. I miss you more than the last time while you were gone. We should be stronger with each seperation, but it seems to get harder every time we part.

I’m not doing so well without you. I’m still suffering from chronic pain, so I took your advice and went to the doctor but it was so packed that I waited for more than an hour and decided to return tomorrow morning instead. Sigh, I hope it’s nothing serious. I’m scared. I need you. I miss you so badly. I wish you were here. I feel so alone, despite so many others around me that love me. So lonely.

Oh well. Goodnight, my love. Come home soon.

Love always,
Thomson

I miss talking to you online everyday.
I miss hearing about how your day has been.
I miss telling you about how my day has been.
I miss the random/funny/retarded/lovey dovey conversations.
I miss the emoticons.
I miss meeting you at our secret rendezvous.
I miss just being in your mere presence.
I miss your touch.
I miss holding your nice soft hands.
I miss those sexy long fingers of yours.
I miss your arms wrapped around me.
I miss holding you close to me and feeling our hearts beat together.
I miss your beautiful face that I could just stare at forever.
I miss the lips that made me fly.
I miss your voluptuous body
I miss the softness that you are blessed with.
I miss those sexy long legs.
I miss the endless love that you shower me with.
I miss the feeling that you and I are all that matters when we’re together.
I miss you terribly, my love.
I can’t do this without you.

Come home soon.

“If I had a pet owl, it would be my personal courier.. I’ll write you letters everyday while you’re away. When you’re in the army, it’ll fly into your sleeping quarters and deliver them for me. Then, for those few special hours, we would both be lying in our beds accompanied by the dark and drowning from the day’s exhaustion. We’ll get reminded through our microscopic calendar that is pinned at the back of our minds that another day has been crossed off with an even more microscopic red marker. And together we’ll be thinking of one another until the darkness has put away our secret thoughts into a secret box. We’ll wake up with a freshness so alarming, so invincible, it will get us through another ceaseless day. One more day closer to a day where we’ll be with one another for always and our love will be the hands that will sculpt the wet clay remains which translate into our lives.”

- Rachel

——

Thank you, my love. It’s a beautiful piece of writing.

I miss you terribly. Please don’t ever let anyone or anything stand in the way of our love, don’t ever stop believing, don’t lose hope. Don’t ever let go of me. I know I will never ever let go of you. We’ll make it. Have faith. We’re one day closer..

I love you, forever and always.

Happy birthday Rachel! (:

Finally sixteen. Heh heh.

I hope you have a good day today, my love. I only wish I could spend it with you. Thank you for always having been there for me, and never failing to try cheer me up. Thank you for risking so much just so we can see each other. Thank you for being strong, especially when our relationship has suffered so many setbacks. And most of all, I want to thank you for loving me. Words can never express how eternally grateful I am that you came into this world this very day sixteen years ago to love me today. I will never ever let go of you, my spe shuhhhhlest girl, my one and only true love. Don’t ever let go too. We will make it someday, and then we will have loads of birthdays to look foward to that we can celebrate with each other, and much more.. *points to Okamoto®  picture above* Hahaha (:

I love you (:

(EVERYONE, except Rachel, is allowed to read this!)

MY GIRLFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO GET FOR HER! HELP! ANY IDEAS? DROP YOUR SUGGESTIONS IN MY COMMENTS! Thank you (:

Dearest Rachel,

Sorry we haven’t talked online for the past two days. I hope you are feeling a lot better today. I’ve missed you so much, my spe shuhhhhlest girl. Be strong, my love, and I know you will pull through and be fit as a fiddle again. Don’t ever stop believing. Don’t ever lose hope. One fine thick day will be awesome, and we both know it, it will come. It will be worth it. Always keep me in your heart, Rachel. I’ll always keep you in mine.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Forever and always, no matter what,

Thomson

First and foremost, I want to start off by saying FUCK THIS! I had almost finished writing this godforsaken post when my fucking internet decided to disconnect and when I tried to recover the post, I find that the autosave version was from hours ago which means now I have to fucking write most of the post all over again even though I’m not in the fucking mood to write anymore. WELL FUCKING DONE! So I apologize for sounding frustrated and angsty at certain parts of this post, swearing for no reason at all, and basically writing crappily.. Oh before I forget and say something random lemme say thank you to Mr Eleven Eleven Eleventy Elves, FSM, Tian Yun and.. Oooohhh look! HEART SHAPED MOON!

The moon is shining bright 
The mood is feeling right 
I’ll kiss you on your neck 
People will stare but we won’t care

Hello! I’m back with a proper post and not another crazy retarded poem. I can’t promise you I won’t write another one though, when I have a girlfriend who comes up with crazy ideas like that (: Hahaha. I miss her so much already.

So anyways, yesterday I met up with Rachel after she was dismissed from school, and we went for an early dinner at NYDC with some alone time in the toilet. Heh heh. Then we proceeded to the playground but there were kiddies there! So we had to settle for the void deck and we took some nice pics and vids which can be seen on faceboobs.

After that, she left with Tian Yun and her mom while I had to make my own way to Downtown East. The journey there was long and taxing so I shan’t go into detail. When I finally entered D’Marquee, my leg muscles were burning and I felt like I was gonna collapse, and it didn’t help the bands in typical fashion, were late and made us wait for about another hour. So being really knackered, we decided to sit down and stare at random butts! Hahaha and Tian Yun was telling us about how they stared at some guitar tech’s butt crack for an hour at Singfest while Rachel, the sly foxy ladyyyyyyy, was trying to make the person in front of me move back so that her giant butt would hit my face! Evilll!

A Vacant Affair soon came on and I must say it wasn’t one of their best live performances, no thanks to the lousy sound at D’Marquee. They had great stage presence as usual though. However, some bloody ah bengs and ah lians were shouting at them to get off stage and booing them. Fucking cunts. I would have fucking crushed them had there been a mosh pit.

AVA soon finished up their performance and we were left waiting again as the stage crew set up the instruments for The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. As soon as they were done, the Halo theme started playing and one by one the members for The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus came out and they launched into the song “You Better Pray”. It wasn’t as good as I expected as I couldn’t hear the guitars or Ronnie sometimes.

After that, they played a couple of songs from their first album like “False Pretense” and “Pull Me Back” before they decided to mellow down and Ronnie asked whether there were any couples in the house and Rachel enthusiastically raised our hands and screamed “HEREEEE!” Haha I didn’t know what was she doing at that point of time though, as I didn’t hear properly what Ronnie was asking. Only when the lead guitarist DUKE KITCHENS (haha funny name!) started playing the keyboard intro to “Cat and Mouse” did I realize what he meant as I held Rachel close and we sang and swayed along to the song. Beautiful.

The headbanging and jumping resumed after that, with the band belting out more familiar tunes like “Face Down”, “Pen & Paper”, and Rachel’s and my favourite, “Damn Regret”! However “Damn Regret” wasn’t as awesome because the replacement guitarist (who looks like Jack Black) played it differently, but nevertheless, everyone still thouroughly enjoyed it.

When that was over, the band left the stage for a little respite while Ronnie picked up an acoustic guitar. The crowd screamed, everyone knew what was coming, “Your Guardian Angel”, and I held Rachel as we sang along again. Meanwhile, Joey, the bassist was being taped up by the stage crew at side of the stage with their extra rolls of tape. Hahahaha crazehhh! The whole band then returned for the outro, Joey untaped already, but still had tape stuck at all over him. Hahaha.

Before long, it was time for the last song, “The Grim Goodbye” and Ronnie showed off his awesome screaming ability. DUKE KITCHENS (hahaha his name is still funny) also demonstrated he had the ability to scream, however just like mine, it was limited, unlike Ronnie who seemed to be able to go on and on.

Soon, they finished “The Grim Goodbye” and DUKE KITCHENS (haha!) threw his guitar pick towards the crowd and I almost had it when it bounced off my fingers! The people all around me then desperately tried to search for it with no avail. Haha oh well. Other assorted things being thrown into the crowd included drumsticks and random balls of crushed tape. DUKE KITCHENS (LOL) went quite mental and smashed his guitar.

Rachel and I stayed back for a bit to mock the caucasian bimbos and laugh at the pink mohawk “sistas” while Tian Yun had mysteriously disappeared. Hahaha. After that we brought drinks at Cheers where we laughed at the OKAMOTO® Harmony Vibra-Ribbed condoms and I received a root beer bottle cap as an engagement ring from Rachel (:

After that we left Downtown East and got into a cab with a Ronnie Winter look-alike cab driver with really long hair (!) who was very polite and didn’t mind us snogging at the back! Hahaha (: As I sat at the back of the cab with Rachel, I was wishing time would stop right there and then. I didn’t want to leave her, and as I held her ever so tightly, I knew we should never ever be apart. We then got off a couple of blocks away from where she stayed and counted down to 11:11, before wishing together (:

Then we bidded a not so grim goodbye under the moonlight, not wanting to let go, but all good things must come to an end. Sigh, oh well. I miss you so bad, Rachel. Thank you so much for a great night. I love you (:

Softly we tremble tonight,
Picture perfect fading smiles are all that’s left in sight,
I said I’d never leave you’ll never change
I’m not satisfied with where I’m at in life.
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me…
You must live for me too.

Eight and I looked at you,
My god you look so pretty today.
But you stared back at me with much dismay,
And told me that you’re going away.
Won’t you stay just a little bit longer,
Won’t you stay just a little bit more?

Eight months into our relationship now, my love, and I’m more lovesick than ever before. The distance between us only makes us want each other more. Oh well what to do, I’m falling deeper and deeper in love with you! Thanks for loving me, and all the good times we shared. I’ve never been happier with anyone else (: I can’t wait for when we’ll finally be together. I never ever want to leave your side, I want to be stuck to you like glue, just like today when we hugged each other, squeezle tight (:

Happy Eight Monthiversary, Rachel!

I love you,
forever and always,
no matter what.

Barely three hours since I’ve parted with you, and I’m missing you like hell already. I think I’m falling even more in love with you, Rachel. Seems like every single time we part, I fall deeper and deeper into love. I wish I was right by your side again, lying next to you, holding you close, inhaling your scent. I want to spend every single breathing moment of my life with you; never apart. Right now it doesn’t feel right without you here by my side. It feels as though a part of me is missing. I feel incomplete.

I miss you.

I love you, Rachel.